I'm writing in this diary because I know I can't keep being online in the internet. One of these days, I'll loose my internet connection.

It'll be very sad, not to have an internet connection...It's like, taking my soul out of my body. It is true, the internet is the only thing that makes my life.

My real life is a mess right now..I often wonder, why I am in a family of whores? My mom, is a -bleep- that hates me very much. And I also have a stupid little brother whom I'm not close with. Just then, I've been told by my mom, that my dad might just don't like me,too. Because, in a fact, that I'm so useless, I'm stupid, I'm a girl without any awards or any honors..

I'm keeping everything at my family, my personal life from school, everything else..They say, that they can be proud if I have honors..So, I tried my best to have 'that' thing, but I just can't do it..

I want to do so many things, I have so many dreams -- I want to be an I.T. programmer, I want to go to Japan, I want to be a successful web/graphics designer, I want to build my own school, and so many more...But I always become isolated. I want to go to the way I want to.

When my mom comes to the point where she really hates, she'll say "I'm a -bleep-". Of course, it hurts..because I'm not to..She always blames at me all the bad things I've done in the past. In that way, I don't want to continue life anymore...In the house where I live, there's no one who understands me truly..They're just human beings that'll keep pointing you your bad deeds if you have done something..

But I'm grateful I have some friends, who really helped me on my way. That's why I loved school, I loved my friends, they're way better than my 'mother'. But if I say this infront of my 'mom', I'm sure she'll say "Go ahead! Run away!". The truth, I don't want to live in this stupid family..But I can't run away, I still have no job, and I want to study..Now, I've just remembered, my 'mom' always says, "Quit studying and just be a call girl!", I'm not that type of woman, I have my own dignity, too.

My summers are always sad, I don't have time with my friends..Yes, I prefer being with my friends. Keziah, has helped my all the way long in my third year, also Danica. Anne Cantada, even though in her harsh words, she helped me correct the things I've done badly, she changed the immature me..Tomo, even though we're not close, and we've never talked, he is my first "koi". Alyanna, she's the one who always gives me advices, she's very truly to me..And also, I won't forget, Aniki, or I might say, Rei Nagai, I've never encountered such good man as him. He, also helped my change myself, he changed my negative thoughts into positive ones. I can't forget those two days I've spent with him...

Now, I'm already relieved, looking at the Friendster profiles of my friends...But I'm still worried, my internet connection...The internet has been like my own world everytime I'm home...But now, my own world will be taken away from me..I don't know how to act with this, I can't just be a normal girl who listens in every single word her 'mom' says, because I have my own heart and will. I also know what's good and bad...I'm a rebel girl...being taken away from her only world, the world where she is happy, where she is content...